sometimes parenting can make you feel just a little crazy

common core curriculum for dads

Sample Test Questions for the Newly Developed Common Core Standards for Dads

1.  Mathematics

Dad has a hot cup of coffee and sits down on the sofa to watch the morning news.  Dad gets X sips of coffee before a child asks for something.  In this equation:

A) X = 3

B) X = 0

C) X > 3

D) 1 < X > 3

E) none of the above

2.  Deductive Reasoning

Mom has a glass of wine at dinner and is in a good mood.

Sometimes when Mom has a glass of wine and is in good mood, Dad gets lucky.

What can be concluded from the above statements?

A)      Dad assumes he will get lucky

B)      Dad guesses he will get lucky

C)      Dad hopes he will get lucky

D)      Dad assumes, guesses, hopes nothing because he understands reality

3.  Social Studies - Open-ended answer section

Throughout the social and anthropological history of humanity, men have always assumed the forefront of progress.  Society as it is known today exists because of men and their achievements.  However, there have always been threats against the long-term survival of man.  According to documented social science, what is most likely to result in the demise of man?

Answer Key

1.  E) There's no such thing as a hot cup of coffee

2.  C)  He's married, not dead; there's always hope.  Pour soul.

3.  Although man has made many great contributions to humanity, there have been constant threats to long-term survival, such as: maternal apron strings, impaired cognitive function due to deficient or misplaced brains, and wives.  The most persistent threat, however, has been Offspringis Sphinctercombustovirus.  As men have developed biological defenses against the virus, it has quickly adapted to circumnavigate vaccines and natural immunities.  “Each new generation is more dangerous than the next,” says old man sitting on the front porch, disparaging the way young people talk nowadays. 

Infected individuals many show some or all of the following symptoms:  thinning/loss of hair, weight gain, gastroenterological complications (in which excess gas and stomach acid can cause serious damage to the person and those around him), and increased fatigue.  As the virus progresses, it can manifest itself in the form of severe mental disturbances.  Infected men at advanced stages will start mumbling aloud to no one, speaking in broken foreign languages (e.g., fricking, ga-da-arnish, craaaaaa-nk-onastick), and even exhibit bouts of hysteria usually resulting in poorly-timed tickle fights.

Known treatments at this time include creating a quiet, dark space in which the men can retreat to and feel safe, increasing their liquid grain intake, and never, ever throwing away their favorite t-shirts.

All damage wrecked from this horrifying illness is compounded by the presence of daughters.